literature

Fun Facts About Poop

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Everyone needs to take a dump every once and a while. If you think that stuff is nasty now, you should talk to the person who never 'voids their bowels'.

Not to get into some kind of running 'bathroom dialogue', but if you get the crap in you life out, well, that's where it belongs. You can't flush away the problems if you keep it all in, that's just gross and wrong. No one likes it when you sweep things under the rug, so don't just stand there with your legs crossed, trembling, and pretending that nothing is wrong. I mean, come on! Oh so often, we as "the perfect churchy Christians" never want to deal with our crap, pretending that it doesn’t exist, so the person next to us won't judge us... well, THEY'RE GOING THROUGH THE SAME STUFF! You’re a liar--and a bad one at that--to say that this "crap" doesn’t happen to everyone.

Can you honestly sit there in your office rolly chair and tell me that you've never gone through something undesirable like that?

We will always have problems, up until the second that Jesus comes back for me; I will have to deal with crap like what you have. While granted, to say that I understand your situation is simply insulting, I have absolutely no idea what's going on with you until you tell me. Don’t worry about it, some days, I have so much Mexican food, I have to dump twice, three times a day!

I might have said this before (I really don't know, it's midnight here) but I think I’ve got a pinpoint on your migraine, captain! You know when you have to laugh at something when drinking (usually) milk? When you laugh/snicker, you close up your throat. Does that stop the milk? No, no not really. Due to God's ingenious design, the body/mind ALWAYS has a way out. When a balloon’s primary "release point" is clogged, it just pops. When the mind's "primary release point" is clogged, it simply makes a new one--a much better plan, I think. That new path could be of any magnitude, ranging according to the intensity of the need. If you had a really bad day at work/school, you might just get a simple migraine to “leak out all” of your stress. Personally, my brain chose “incontrollable muscle spasms”. It works well, it gets the job done, getting out all the emo/anger in me, and before you know it (well, after a slight seizure or something like that) I’m the same polite pacifist. Many people over the years have commented on how they’ve never seen me angry or mad or whatever. Well, secret’s out, this is how. (It totally stinks when playing Super Smash Bros. Melee or something like that, because any decent amount of emotion (be it joy or frustration) gets filtered through the hands, face, throat, or really anything that can move/sound when I ‘need’ it to. To others, it might be “oh, I just witnessed my mother get shot down in cold blood right in front of me. I’m about ten years old…” [Brain]: “oh, no that won’t work, we need a bigger hole here, to deal with this… tell ya what kid, your mother didn’t really get shot, um, sheeeeeeesss on vacation! Yea… now let’s go play! : )” (I actually knew someone who this happened to, I think she was twelve at the time? Anyways, instead of the “crazy” route per se, she chose to be a jerk to most people (in conjunction with talking to A LOT of consolers) and while on the outside, in a simple passing judgment, you would just label her a bad person, a trouble maker, and make no attempt on establishing communication, certainly not helping the situation). So, brain makes it “all go away” the kid is visually unaffected now. Problem solved, right? Eh… when you’ve spent the first twenty years of your life without any friends or someone you can talk to, your mind simply makes one for you. It’s a splendid idea, and is usually quite effective—imaginary friend! When you see/hear about some one with an abusive pretend friend (not funny or uncommon), it’s usually because 1: not having anyone to talk to and 2: the only people that have ever been “close” to you (usually a parent) were abusive (verbally, physically or mentally), so to a eight year old, knowing only that people close to you hit and yell at you, obviously, ALL close people must do that. Makes sense, right? You learned English from your parents, right? They didn’t actually sit down and teach you the basic use and application of common adverbs, did they? Probably not. You simply say that the sound “f-o-o-d” means (based on their and others’ reactions) food, eat, sustenance, etc. the same learning process is in effect until like six years old. And just like a parameter AI, every thing it is taught/learns, the next teaching will be less impactful. So essentially, the sooner, the more impactful.

The cool thing about all of this (I know, it just keeps getting better, and better, and gooder and gooder!) is that with a minimal amount of self administered training, you can manually chose how and when the “stress” and basic crap can be left out. As I have suggested to the buddy with the migraines, put your pain into your pics! If you can visually represent the physical that you’d be feeling otherwise, that will (a small piece of the stress at a time, mind you) help. Also, you can beat up people, the simple endorphins let out when just being that physically active is enough to addict a person to jogging or slashing tires. It’s a simple task and reward system, that one dead German dude had it down—Ivan Pavlov was he—“you tell a dog to sit every time before you fed it, (only when you fed it), eventually, It’ll sit automatically when it wants food. Using this method, you can teach your pets sign lingo.

In a summary of this rant, just ignore the “no dumping” signs that the “perfect” people put up, everyone has to sample the porcelain throne every once and a while, I mean, crap happens, even to the best of us!
actually started in a reply to a comment in one of =butchen's works. after ranting up two paragraphs, i realized that if i were to hit the back button suddenly, i would be very emo.

so i opted for a word processor with an auto recover.
eh, might as well distribute it, someone might be able to use it or something.
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Artemus-D's avatar
GET BETTER GRAMMER!